who the hell would want to inherit a pig farm? Jason Gallagher

From Vol. 1, No. 3  1997

who the hell would want to inherit a pig farm?
Jason Gallagher

today while i was flossing my teeth
i thought about donating a few pints of blood.
i began to think about some really sick kid
in serious need of a blood transfusion
and how my blood may save his life.

this led me to think about the repercussions
of my actions,
and how in a few weeks after the transfusion
the kid would go in for a blood test
and the doctor would tell his parents
that their sons blood has high levels of t.h.c
and opium (from poppy seed bagels of course)

in return, the parents would freak out
calling their son a drug addict
and the father would be screaming
‘no son of mine does drugs
you’s thinks i’m gonna hand over
the family pig farm to a drug addict’.

before you know it the kids also freaking
‘i don’t do drugs, and I sure as hell don’t want the farm’
and the dad would be saying ‘bullshit you’s lying
thats them drugs talking’
and the kid would be crying
‘why can’t you trust me
and the dad’s screaming
‘i can’t trust you cause you’s a drug addict’
and before you know it
the kids’s storming out of the house
on a bus to Hollywood
where he’ll live on the streets
blowing old men
so he can get money for smack
so he can forget about the pig farm
and his face will end up in some Soul Asylum video
and i’m definitely not a Soul Asylum fan
and i just wouldn’t want to put a kid thru that