Letters to the Alien

Dear alien-

I heard you’ve already been around us for a long time, & I heard we’ve been following your orders even though we don’t notice it’s aliens we’re listening to. I heard you inhabit bodies, & we don’t know it’s you ‘cause your bodies look just like ours.
Maybe it’s not that you look just like us, maybe you’ve made us slowly look more and more like you & that’s why we don’t notice so much. Now that you’ve done that for a while, you can come out & be more yourself ‘cause we’re more yourself, too.
I hear you use things, just plain things like spatulas and shoes and chairs to get more control of us. It must be hard for a lot of us to notice ‘cause we’ve gotten either busier or poorer or even both lately- maybe even that’s because of you.
I don’t know who you are exactly, but that doesn’t matter if we’re already a lot like you. If we accused you of something, now you can say “But you do it to! Is it really that bad?” I don’t know if it would matter if it was or not. I guess we just lost something, is all. I can’t remember what it was exactly, either. It’s tough remembering what you forgot.

Yours (I guess),

Ben Dover
Easy, Alberta

Dear alien-

Where we come from, we got lots of neat stuff. We like wheels a lot, especially spinning wheels. Lookie, there’s one in my wa-atch
There’s one on my bike, um… When I’m trying to catch the one in my watch, then I spin ‘em real fast.
There’s one for my music
There’s one in the movies
Sometimes I just sit down in our yard with our dog. Then I don’t have much to do with wheels. But when it’s Monday morning again & I have to go to school, then I get on the schoolbus
I sit in a classroom and learn things like about recycling garbage so we can make things out of garbage before it becomes garbage again so we can make more things out of it
I listen to my teacher until the bell rings
Then we go outside for recess and play ball
I can kick the ball in front of me, or behind me (my friend Joe taught me that one ‘cause I play soccer with Joe), um… Or pass it to someone on my side, or kick it up in the air, or sometimes if it’s a little rubber ball we’re shooting against the side, it falls in the sewer and we have to use someone else’s.
After school I like to go to the arcade. I play video games. I like the ones where you’re a kung-fu guy, & you can kick way up over your head. I can play for a long time if it’s a game I know. In video games there’s no wheels that tell you how long you can go. It’s a little straight line that gets smaller and smaller. When it’s so short you can’t see it, then you’re dead. I hate when that happens.
But then I can play again if I put in another quarter:
I have to go now because.

Little René Cards
East North York,

These letters were made up because no one wrote to us yet because this is the first issue. If you want to write to anyone in Fish Piss, or just to Fish Piss, or even to the alien, send them to this address & we’ll print them: FISH PISS, Box 1232, Place d’Armes, Montreal Que. H2Y 3K2